He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
