If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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