We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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