My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This house was built for laser tag.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
