let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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