He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
