I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
