Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think my moral compass just broke
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
