i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
