what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
