I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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