that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
