miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
