Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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