i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
