i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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