I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
