Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
