You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
