If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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