Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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