he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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