wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize