My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
