it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Randomize
