If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
