"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
