its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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