I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
