Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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