Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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