i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
