I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
