So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize