I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I smell like Dick and happiness
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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