didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
