I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Terrible idea I love it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
