capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
