My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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