My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
