I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
