And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You ruined the universe
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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