She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So. Much. Porn.
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