Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
