nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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