I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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