all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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