really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
