Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
