if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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