So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
