there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
