I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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