Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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