i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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