I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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