They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize