why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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