You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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