yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize