cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
