You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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