go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize