how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
