And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize