I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
