Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
