I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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