We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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